cleaning my room

everything i try to clean my room....it usually feels like i am not only tidying my room, but also whatever emotions i am feeling inside. the thing about organizing things, seem to put me in a better position, a less confused position to think about myself and the things going on around me...

i used to be the sort of person who can never throw anything....believing i would be able to find a use for it later on, nowadays though, i seem to want to throw as much as possible, anything that gives me a memory i do not want to recall, i would toss it out....i guess i am realizing, that too much emotional archors is not what i need....it is weighting me down too much.

explain to me...

argh....i wish i had a computer here in icrt....that i wouldnt have to worry about writing too much and not being able to end before my collegues come back and need to use the computer..argh....they said they would lend me a laptop, but well....it is not here yet...sigh...haha...would being able to msn cure my almost permanent need to sleep...well....i hope! but i wouldnt know unless they lend me one would i?

anyhow...i 'd like danny to explain to me...why kejvn...my dear senior whom i 've never spoke to while i was in ngee ann poly...why he types like this....like he 'd want me strain my eyes so that he 'd be able to impress upon me that there is a spacing.....no...that there 're spaces.......explain please?

by then, knowing danny, he would say 'how would i know...i am not his keeper"....however that lacks creativity, so i am sure you would add more zest to that....

and for all you other people out there who keep asking me about why i dont use capital letters, knowing me....you know there is a reason.....well, think about it, why do we need capital letters anyway? if you have capital letters, can we do without fullstops? if i have fullstops....then why do you need capital letters at the starting of the sentence? i mean, the fullstop would had been enough to tell you that...right?
song playing now: sway by bic ranga
book: lunch time is over....not allowed to read... ; )

internship

okay okay, i know i havent written anything for the longest time! stop bombarding my email with hate mail! haha...just kidding, but i really hope some of you guys missed me while i was gone...now i have to fill you in on what i have been up to.

internship has started, actually has been going on for the last week...and what have i been doing? frankly, quite alot, but spreaded out so thinly, that i am sometimes bored out of my head...okay, now for the background...my internship in the marketing department of irct, the only english radio station here in taiwan...basically, what i do daily is, come into the office around 9.30am, and read tons and tons of newspapers...finding news that would be useful for marketing, or for icrt as a whole...then after reading the news, it would be almost noontime....which is also lunch time....the meal would be followed by horrible feelings of wanting to sleep (if i have nothing to do), or just plain drowsiness if ihave things to do....like write proposals....or go for meetings where we brainstorm our strategies and ideas....then more proposals to write out....and on and on....

frankly, it's nice, i mean the people here are great, and the environment is really really free..everyone trusts everyone to finish what they are supposed to do, the catch would be that if you dont finish what you are supposed to...then you are in for it....(i dont know why, but uncle ben's 'with greater power comes greater responsibility' comes into my mind) haha, i am having a great time...minus the time when i am bored, but i guess being an intern means i am an awkward thing to have around, that they dont know what they can give to me to handle...and yeah, so i am trying to ask as many questions that i can think of, to show that i am aggressive...and highly ambitious....haha...am using a college's computer now..gotta go now....i promise i have to write more about what i have been up to.......but hell, i miss the beach and the sun....being locked up in a office and all......sigh

song playing now: someday we will know by new radicals
booklist : insurrection by thomas m. reid

puke on the dashboard..

ever since around 2 years ago, i have been experiencing a very different sort of high...for no apparent reasons, maybe for nothing at all, i get headaches that hurt pretty bad...and my everything else inside my head tends to spin, just for fun. i dont know why that happens, maybe it is the way my body, maybe it is just the land...that it doesnt like me..haha....

well the doctors havent been able to find oout much, except that the fluids in my inner ear are not the same as others....as we all learnt in class, the ears and the eyes affect balance...knowing that my fluids are not balanced in there, caused me to feel nauseous and wanna puke alot. so i know it is a body condition that i have, i also know that i might not have to do national service which is to go to the army because i have this condition. however, it is proving to be rather hard to prove to anyone that i have this condition...i mean, most of my doctors are just taking my word for it...which is fine, except they sometimes make me feel like i am lying to them....which is really irritating for me....like here i am with my head spinning...and they are there....going "uh huh, uh huh, ic....." freakin hell! u dont see!

why bring this up now? not cos my doctor did anything today....as a matter of fact, i gave up seeing the doctors sometime ago....not working...medication only makes it worse...ok, back to the point...i bought it up cos i was in someone's car yesterday....and had a really bad spin in my head...and the driver was supposed to bring us to this resturant for dinner....well, he forgot where that place was....am practically drove in circles for well over an hour.......circles!!!!! and the two sitting behind me were like two giantic germ generators.....coughing and sneezing behind me....in an enclosed area! i am guessing my headache magnified the whole thing for me...and was close to screaming out loud....and maybe puking as the sound came out....which didnt happen...would had been embrassing to watch my puke pour all over the dashboard....which i will say again....never happened....

well....we didnt find it...and the germ generators wanted to go home without dinner...i had a quiet dinner with him at some place we both like....a total anticlimax....but...at least i was traveling on an empty stomach....

pleasant....somewhat boring...

didnt do much today...slept till pretty late...woke up and started cleaning my room...but had to shower....the thing about sleeping in a room with only the fan switched on, means that u wake up sticky and stuffy and dying for the cool moment in the pool or the shower. went for dinner with jesse at a place where my friend's family owns....got a freakin discount...like maybe half price of whatever we ate...luckily tonight was relatively cooling, maybe due to the short shower we had in taipei just before i left home...

well, jesse is going back to hualian tomorrow...which means i should really start finishing the books i am planning to read this summer....

i do really need to write more huh? i get the idea i am not doing anything insightful....just trying to get this blog entry over with...haha...let me just blame it on the weather!

song playing now: with you by jessica simpson
booklist: yes yes....the same one....minds of billy milligan....

slower reader

yes, i think i am now a much slower reader than i was....i remember the days when i get my hands on an anne rice book....and cant put it down until i am done with it....would take me a day...but that is a day....and by now, i bought the minds of billy milligan for like 4 days now....am hardly half way through.....sigh....

spent the best of yesterday with my mom shopping for stuff, but i think the thing that strucks me first is that, she spends so little...and really cant bear to spend any on a pair of shoes that she wants....makes me feel really really awkward...

song playing now: pure shores by all saints
booklist: the minds of billy milligan

Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle

Every time I think of you

I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue

It's no problem with mind, but it's a problem I find

Living a life that I can't leave behind




There's no sense in telling me

The wisdom of a fool won't set you free

But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows

And every day my confusion grows




Every time I see you falling

I get down on my knees and pray

I'm waiting for that final moment

You say the words that I can't say




I feel fine and I feel good

I feel like I never should

Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say

Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday




I'm not sure what this could mean

I don't think you're what you seem

I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else

Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

nursing my minor sunstroke...

the thing that is good about the summer is the sun...however, i personally think the worst things summer can offer are sunburnts...and sun strokes....

i think i got the later after spending alot of time in the sun....plus, i went for the hot springs in the bloody hot summer....that's just like rolling in snow naked....and eating ice cream while u still cant stop shivering...i am sure i painted a nice idea...well, i will say i deserve it...so can the headache stop now?

i am just going to end this day early and hope it will all be over in the morning...goodnight

song playing now: stay by lisa loeb
booklist: the minds of billy milligan

lisa loeb's stay

Stay
-Lisa Loeb

You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.

And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.

And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard,
don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.

So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song:
lover's in love, and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.
Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was
dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that;
I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever,
but that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you.

You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave.
" Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you.
Yeah, I miss you.

You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go.
" You try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."

And you say I only hear what I want to.

i surrender

well, spent alot of time the last afternoon and evening trying to achieve the blog look i wanted..was confident that i would overcome the blog easily, i mean, i read danny did it, why wouldnt i be able to? however, was caught aware and could barely escape alive...

okok...i surrender to the almighty blog...i shall not try to edit your html codes unprepared again...for now, the blog templates have won, but be wary of my revenge, if i could ever be bothered to....

finished my last paper today, am offically on my summer break now....3 long months of break...what shall i do? haha, will think of that again tomorrow....

yawns...goodnight

song playing now: Carolina by Josh Rouse
booklist: the minds of billy milligan

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